MOTIVATION!!! It finally came back!

Wow!! It's been right at 5months since my surgery.  And even though I gave myself a "break" for two weeks....the weeks following DID NOT go as I had planned or hoped for.  Now with that being said....my recovery has been pretty simple and pretty easy.  But the diet recovery part has been a big challenge.  I have attempted to start the 21 day sugar detox just two weeks after the surgery=FAIL.  Then three weeks post recovery began a strict clean eating plan=somewhat of a fail.

Now don't get me wrong.... I didn't blow it!!! But I sure wasn't in the zone like I have been in the months past.

I have stayed wheat free for the most part though---not because I didn't cheat, but simply because when I did cheat, there was a price to pay!! Wheat and me do NOT go together anymore.

I am not sure why I wasn't able to reach my diet goals this past month.   Maybe it was my body's way of saying I wasn't ready?  Maybe I just was lazy?  But I think it may have been a mental thing.....meaning, since I couldn't workout like I normally do, I lost some of the motivation.

So last week I had been cleared to start slowly progressing back into my normal routine...that is with extreme caution.  I can start doing strict movements with more weight.  I can get my heart rate up again...but I must slowly start working towards jerking type exercises.  This has allowed me to not be so limited and I am able to WOD again with only a few limitations.

Yesterday I was able to WOD with only ONE modification.
Our barbell skill was max strict press.....but I just did 6rounds of 5 strict presses at 75# (about 65% of my max).
WOD was 30 back squats with 95#, run a 400, 20 front squats with 95#, run a 400 and 10 OH Squats (I opted to do barbell lunges instead of OH) and run a 400.
**I did great and felt great!
**And I came home and ate right all day long!!! And I thinks it's because of the effort I put into my workout??

But I WOKE UP SORE TODAY!  Kind of surprises me since I have been doing lots of leg exercises!?!  But it goes to show, when you are up against a clock, the extra intensity does make a huge difference.

My legs are as hard as a rock!  My abs are even sore!  And my boobs feel heavy---like I just gave birth.  But NO pain, just sore!

I welcome the soreness!  Like I said, it's another part of keeping me motivated! If I am sore, that means it must be working:-).

Today was a benchmark day at CrossFit.  Every 6months we do certain exercises to see how much we have improved.  Six month ago I did FILTHY FIFTY and I went ALL OUT! I was so proud to finish second overall....with a pretty good time of 26mins.

Today, I got a piece of humble pie though.  My time will be wiped off the wall and replaced with someone who did it this time around :-(.....  And then of course, I did my own modified version of a FILTHY FIFTY and still couldn't reach the time I had 6months ago!!

6months ago I did this in 26min

My extremely modified workout was....
50 one legged box step ups
50 reverse pull-ups from knees
50 russian swings with #15 dumbbell
50 walking lunges
50 k2e
50 isolated curls
50 leg extensions
50 squats with KB
50 push ups form my knees (first time to try push ups and felt fine)
50 v-ups

**This took me 28mins:-(

Again, I may not be where I left off, but I am getting closer....and with the MOTIVATION coming back, it sure gives me hope!!!

It's all part of the progress......  Here's to STAYING MOTIVATED!!!

Struggling Well

Struggling Well!!! That's been my new phrase of choice lately.  It all started with ministry work a couple of months back, then has leaked over into my personal, everyday life here recently.

So what does STRUGGLE WELL actually mean to me??? It means I am doing nothing extra and simply managing to get by!  And this is SOOO NOT ME!!! This type of character trait or personality is one I don't like! It's one in where I can find myself FAIL...and FAIL a lot.  But, it's not by choice that I get to this point.  It's simply by accident.  And by the time I realize it, I have a bit of a mess to clean up afterwards.

Let me back up a bit and give you a bigger picture....

A couple of months back, ministry started becoming WORK, rather ministry.  This began the STRUGGLE.  Leaders were missing more frequently due to life, I was short handed, lessons needed to be tweaked, etc.  I started losing focus on what the goal of the ministry was and started my own self pity. This is not good! ** However, it doesn't end there.... it actually led me to another STRUGGLE...which was my own personal growth and walk.  I began to fall behind in my Bible Studies and due to my motherhood life, I have missed more than my fair share of Bible study times here recently.  This eventually leads me to get out of the habit of starting my day with God.....and sometimes even miss the opportunity to meet with God at all anytime of the day.

Can you see the STRUGGLE??? Ministry is becoming work and stressful, which leads to less Bible Study time, which leads to less time with God.  **not going in the right direction

And now, I am over a week into another attempt to clean eat.  But have realized I am STRUGGLING to do this simple task that I am passionate about doing.

WHY AM I STRUGGLING????  WELL.......

Yesterday, as I was talking to our Pastor after staff meeting he asked me a simple question that I have been thinking about for 24hrs.......  "Why do you do what you do?"

Guess what, ladies??? I had forgotten the WHY?  And got lost in the struggles of life and was trying to do life on my own!  THIS CAN'T BE DONE!!!

Today I woke up....still struggling, but STRUGGLING WELL as I have been reminded of WHYs in my life.

Don't Forget Why YOU do what YOU do, either??  ***Btw: Jesus cleans up our messes we left behind, too!!

Pros and Cons and My Status So Far

I am three weeks post surgery and feeling GREAT!  Swelling has gone down tremendously now....  I don't think I have any swelling unless I have been laying down for awhile and even then, it goes down within minutes.  I have dropped into my regular position and now just waiting on them to form their new shape....which for me means I can't enjoy too much of this new freedom of going braless as I would like---and am tempted to do.  I must actually wear a bra all the time....and one that pushes me up and in too (cos it will help to shape them in that way---rather drop too far south). This includes wearing them to bed too (yuck).

So what are the Pros and Cons so far of my new "additions".


PRO- 1.  I love them! I am so happy that I have done this for myself.  It's nice to have some lady curves (aka by me as my Lady Lumps).  I do not feel manly anymore!
CON-1.  I wish I would have gone one size bigger.  I am glad no one can "tell" I have had them done, but I would like just a little more volume--just a little.

PRO-2. I can go braless and no one can tell (unless I am wearing something that is thin). I wore a halter top to a baseball game the other day---without a bra.  So nice not having to worry about your tops falling off due to no lady lumps!! HA
CON-2. I am not really allowed to go braless often as these new things are supposed to be tied up tight for the next few months to gain a good shape.

PRO-3.  So far all my tops are still fitting me.  No need to buy new clothes---even though I want new clothes.
CON-3.  I am so broke for paying for these additions that I can't afford new clothes right now! LOL!
***MOTHER'S DAY GIFT---New Super Duper Tight Running Bra!!!!

PRO-4.  I am not afraid to get dressed in the light anymore in front of Todd!!!
CON-4.  However, I am still restricted from too much "contact".  (sorry TMI?)

PRO-5. My workout tanks are not falling off my shoulders anymore.
CON-5. However, I haven't been released to go all out exercise wise ****and this is making me anxious!!

As far as this stage of recovery.....recovery is good! So good that I am tempted to do things I am not allowed to do yet! LOL!!! Cos I feel absolutely fine! But I am trusting what I have been told by the doctors and doing what I am allowed to do.  I even feel good enough to have met up with my old college roommate, Casie, this past weekend for a quick Girls Getaway.....poolside conversation, out to eat, a few drinks, and Pete's Piano Bar!!! :-).

Casie and I ate Pete's Piano Bar (Can you say PUSH UP BRA?)

This week I have been able to add some very light running to my workouts and a little bit of weight  (so light weight that I am even wondering if it is actually benefiting me--LOL).  So what do my workouts consist of??

LEGS
Deep Air Squats
Light Weight Barbell Squats
Leg Extensions (can go heavy here)
Leg Curls (standing)
Pistols (lots and lots of pistols)
Step Up on the Box
Wall Sits
Walking
Jogging------**this feels a bit awkward still, as I have an air pocket I can feel swishing around.  This is normal but I am still being super careful. I bet I am running slower than a 10min pace.
Lunges

LEG WORK----and some chicken legs on the grill!! :-)

CARDIO
Elliptical (no arms)
Walking
Speed Walking
Easy and short Jogging

Easy jog and Speed Walk at the Park

ABS
Very little (just lower abs)  **Seems abs incorporate chest no matter what.

ARMS
Very little---just light weight dumbbell curls (isolated and with light weight-10#)


DIET---This is where I am really concentrating myself on right now.  As of Monday, I have been back on track with a super strict clean eating program.  This week I am eating nothing but shakeology, lean meats, and veggies.  NO DAIRY. NO RED MEATS, VERY VERY LITTLE NUTS, NO STARCHES, NO TREATS, etc...

My Status: I feel a like I am losing my lady lumps in my arms:-( I can still flex it, but the lump is slowly going down!!! I need my heavy weights asap! HAHA!  My six pack isn't visible anymore, but it was way better than it was right after surgery with all the bloating.  Next week, I will be able to hit my abs a little more aggressively and regain my abs back!

My Weight: I am exactly the same weight.  146#

The Latest News on the Lady Lumps

*** So let's talk lady lumps today! ***I will be posting pics as I know some of yall are curious of how I am looking.  But please be respectful and keep the pic to this page only. This

So the first two-three days were the hardest.  The surgery was simple.  But wearing a surgical bra was the not fun.  You see, when you get implants, you come home with HUGE, HIGH, and FIRM (stone like) boobs.  You are swollen and heavy and have no way of using you arms or pec muscles, at least that first day or two.  **You don't realize the importance of using your pec muscles.  I quickly learned that I use them for things I had no idea I did....like getting up and down, going to the bathroom, putting on a seatbelt, etc.

And back to that bra.  My incisions were done under the breast in the "fold" area so after wearing the bra for a full day, the band part of the bra was really irritating my incisions.  This was the hardest thing to deal with as I wasn't allowed to take my bra off the first 3 days and you can't put any ointment on it either.  So I just suffered well.

For me, the HUGE, HIGH, and FIRMNESS did not last long.  By day 3 I was already much better...starting to soften and drop slowly.  This is common for anyone who does above the muscle procedure.  And on day 3 I was supposed to be going braless for the next three days!!! **yes, I went to Easter Sunday braless----AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN TELL!!! AWESOMENESS!! 😄

I was a little concerned that first week that I may have gone too big. As you can tell from the the pic below, huge difference. This was a day before surgery and a day after.


But 10 days after I am back in my normal size bra.  Just filling it out this time..... Craziness to me!!!

That is proof what this past 18months have done to my body. And I am happy to report I don't just have muscle any more----and look manly, but I have some LADY LUMPS to equal it all out now!!!!  Yae!!!


 I am two weeks post surgery. I feel great! I have my arm mobility back. I am able to do some leg work, walking, and biking.  I am not allowed to get my heart rate up just yet so I am definitely getting antsy to get moving like I like to....  Next week I am allow to "jog" and do more leg and core work. However I have four weeks until I am allowed to lift heavy again.  But I am ready to be more active. Running next week will make me very happy!!

Eating clean has been a huge adjustment post surgery. I didn't feel much to eating the week post surgery as my digestive system was NOT working. Therefore I was just full all the time. But last weekend (just a week after surgery) I was starving for four straight days. I mean STARVING!! The last two days I feel like I am somewhat back on track. THANK GOODNESS!! I have been talking to my crossfit coaches about how to tweak my diet for the next four weeks. I have some new things I am contemplating to try while I am off from crossfit and lifting to help lean my stomach out even more. It's pretty strict but I think I am ready.  And it would take my focus off the lack of exercise I am not able to do. 😳

Leading Up to the BIG Day

This week went by fairly quick considering I was excited and a bit nervous about the upcoming "big" day.  I admit, I put in alot of workout hours the last four days try to make up for the time off! Which leads me to believe that I have some real issues with how I use exercise in my life.  It's almost like a way of life for me.  Yes, that's good, but it's also bad if I rely on exercise for much more than the health benefits.  I truly believe that "forced" time off will actually be good for me.  It will be hard!! Like really hard!

***And now, I will be relying on my diet alone for progress...and a lot of prayer and quiet time with God:-).

The days leading up to my surgery were kind of weird.  Not sure I am going to do a good job explaining it, but it was as if I had reached a goal that I didn't realize I had or a stage in my life that I didn't know I was approaching.  Since having my babies (who are not at all babies anymore) I have dreamed of getting my breast done.  But I had never been officially ready......I breastfed for the first 5+ years of after having kid.  At that point I was heavy from post pregnancies and then began using herbalife.  I lost a ton of weight from walking and drinking shakes.  But this was not a healthy loss. I was skinny but out of shape. Then, I slowly began to gain weight as I began a new phase as a working mom, meaning lots of hamburger helper, mac n cheese, and spagetti dinners....or dinners on the go! Therefor I slowly gained my weight back.  I began running near the time I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism.  I lost weight inititually because the dr gave me thyroid medicine AND a diet pill.  YAP, still not healthy.

I gained weight back despite my 30+ miles of running per week and my 2 boot camps class per week....and with doctor recommendation of eating 1200 calories.

My metabolism was shot.

Yall know the recent phase I am in..... I did my own homework.  Began crossfit.  Switched doctors. and started over from square one.  My diet was what was destroying me.  Therefor in the last 18months I have not only been physically training but I have been nutritionally training!!

So today was a bitter sweet day.  A day that I realized I had reached this new phase in my life.  My body has been through a lot with me as I have gone through these phases.  And today it was going to go through one that was a positive one.  This was a reward for ME in which I am acknowledging that I have been and gone through alot in my 38yrs.

Last Runs: Kick butt in Sprints at CrossFit and a 8mile run

It felt a little weird this week working out.  Thinking about how the next time I would run I would have bumps (aka boobs) to work with.  And when I do pull ups, my chest my actually hit the bar like they are supposed to, and when I put on a tank top with a sports bra, I won't look like a man.

I also had a couple of weird dreams......like of being extremely too big with my new boobs! Or even thoughts of, "Sure hope I am not the first one to die getting a boob job while my girlfriends are crossfitting?" LOL.  And of course, it's just a tad strange waking up one day flat chested (or deflated) and then an hour later having boobs.  AMAZING! But strange.

As of the surgery, it was super quick and much easier than I anticipated.  And I LOVE my doctor and his staff! They were amazing and I honestly believe I had one of the best! I was able to get around very well afterwards....but do have pain about every 7hours after meds wear off.  Two pain meds don't work so I have to take two....but then two knock me out cold! LOL!  I do struggle to go from laying down to getting up, as you don't realize how much you engage your pec muscles when you use your arms.  So that's been unpleasant, but that's just about it.

And yes,  I keep looking at them in the mirror! I like them!  :-). HAHA!! 

I am closing with a recent pic of my in my size SMALL dress.  First time EVER to wear a small.  But the last, too....as my new boobies WILL NOT fit in this dress now! LOL

A Long Post: Steps Forward and Personal Stuff

I am excited to report to yall that I have decided to get my Level 1 CrossFit Certification.  I have, for months, been praying about this and I have finally decided to take the leap of faith and go for it.  I have had to decide between CrossFit or Personal Training Certification.  But I have decided to go ahead and start with CrossFit, as that's what I am most involved in right now.....and this will allow me to at least START in this direction until I can further understand what may be next for me.  I do, however, plan to get my personal training certification later on (most likely next Feb).  I would like to get some kind of certification on dieting and clean eating,  But I am not sure where to start with that.  As of right now, I am just posting what I am learning on FB, applying it, and modeling it.  I am very passionate about the nutrition part of this process, as that is where I have made the most improvements in the last year.  ***Seems so simple now that I UNDERSTAND!  And it doesn't require pills, drinks or tons of exercise to achieve!!!!

I am not 100% sure where this will lead me? But I do know that I will start out doing the front part of my internship in two weeks.  I will spend 40hours shadowing other coaches and co-coaching.  Then I will spend another 40hrs coaching while being observed.  And to get certified, I will have a weekend class to attend and, of course, take a test.  By this summer, I will be 100% certified and able to train!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Now, onto some more personal news!!!!  I even debated blogging this, but I know that I live in a small town and people will talk and people will know.....and to be frank, I don't really have anything to hide. So here it is......  Next week, I am rewarding myself with breast augmentation.  That's BIG NEWS (get it!!!--haha)

Those suckers (my boobs) have been through hell and back in the last 15years.....from being an HS/College athlete, to 3 in row pregnancies and 3 full years of breastfeeding (back to back), from a size large B to a size DD, back to a C/D, to now absolutely NOTHING!!!  This momma has sacrificed her body for years and have made some amazing come backs.....and I am proud to say I actually feel like I deserve a little MOMMY LOVE aka LIFT!!! I have put in the countless hours of hard work....and, yes, the first to go is always the boobies!

I am excited! I am nervous! I am absolutely can't wait to feel like a WOMAN again!! NOT like a MOMMY!  NOT LIKE A FAT WIFE OR MOM!  AND NOT LIKE A MAN (aka flat chested/strong woman....that can flex her pec muscles and her saggy nipples wiggle underneath-LOL).  Sorry, that may be TMI! HAHA! But it is the truth!

What am I afraid of??? Most of all, I am afraid of taking 6 weeks off of training!  I am afraid of losing my strength (especially in the chest).  I am afraid I will lose my tone in my arms and the little bit of six pack ab I finally have found!
**But, I have found out that I will be allowed to walk a week later...maybe some running.  I will also be allowed to do lower body exercises, as long as they do not engage my upper body.  But I know me---I DO NOT DO WELL WITHOUT WORKING OUT!!! 

Therefore, I am embracing this RECOVERY TIME in a whole new way!!!  I will be using my recovery time to intern, to study for my certification, to workout my abs like never before, to really start digging a bit deeper to see what I want to do NEXT with this....   I may not be able to workout out, but at least I will have my workout gear on and be in the gym (with those barbells that I LOVE).  I will be able to combine my love for this new sport with the gift I have in coaching.  I can't help but to think this is where I belong....or at least start with for my next phase in my life!!!

I am excited!!! And so anxious!!!

I can do this!!!