Yap, that's what I vividly remember. Very sad. Very confused.
But that thought only last about.....um, NOT LONG!!! Because the next day I got up.....with determination. The night before, somehow I convinced my little brain that I could at least learn to run 2miles without stopping. I had also told myself....just go, even if it's slow, ugly and bounces all over the track. So the next morning I ran.....and the next day, and the next day, and the next. And to my surprise, I was able to run 2 full miles within a month EASY. That's when I started changing from the inside out. Two miles became three. Three became four. Four became running and walking the backroads. The next thing I know I am finding that I am at peace EVERYTIME I run. It wasn't hard anymore. It was a pure joy. It became my time with God. It became everything to me! (Slowly I was getting the "old me" back--just a little at a time......without even realizing it.)
This time last year, I was honored to help lead some ladies in marathon training. I, too, trained myself to run a full marathon. In April I ran my first and only marathon of 26.2miles in 4:40.
Some people ask if that was the hardest thing I had ever done..... and I would say NO! The hardest thing I ever did was START (cos I had every reason not to start). The rest has been an absolute joy! And the best growing experience I could ever imagine (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). **However, those last 5miles were quite hard, but mentally, I knew it was temporary pain and I knew God was with me to finish the race!! :-).
FAST FORWARD: In the last 6-7months my fitness and goals have changed a lot!!! I hesitantly began crossfitting...which led me into power lifting/olympic lifting. My new fitness love is lifting those heavy weights!!! **Yes this is surprising to me too!! My goals are different now....as I have let down the walls of being a "has been" to learning to pursue what God has made me good at. He made me an athlete and gave me this passion. And even at the age of 38.5 (ha), I can still be an athlete. I am finding that I am so darn excited about nutrition and how to fuel my body (an athlete's body) properly. I am not embarrassed anymore about the fact that I love to workout! That's like being embarrassed that you are good at art or singing or writing?? I am who I am... It's perfectly fine to love athletism even at my mid-life age! I am not pursuing a "skinny" body anymore. I am not even sure I am going to lose any more weight. However, I am learning to fuel my body the best way I know how and in return transform my body for the better. I do hope to have abs and smaller percentages of body fat. But, my main goal is to perform and fuel myself the best I can!
|Weight training has been making me stronger and changing my body. STILL IN PROGRESS|
FUTURE ME: I am really, really open to the idea of becoming a certified trainer. God has been pulling on my heart strings for some time now, and I praying hard about the next steps. I don't know if I will become a crossfit trainer, a personal trainer, or what? But I am looking at different options and leaning heavily on what God has planned next. I have no doubt I am headed in the right direction though, as I have a lot of peace about this. I feel very passionate about this aspect of my life. But I want to be sure I am being wise about the timing, money, and about how this will affect my family. Until then..... I will keep on learning and progressing!!!